The future is such a weirdo.

Taking my usual brisk walk (even brisker, as the air was trying to out-brisk me, that bastard) to Starbucks for 6 am offered me a quieter than usual sunrise. Even the streetcars seemed to have silencers as their bullet forms ambled along this way or that way (but not then way or though way). I knew something must be up.

My suspicions were cemented as I perused the news:

So, yeah. U.S. researchers are consistently coming up with inventions that are a bad idea. Today’s winner has them genetically modifying e. coli bacteria so that its DNA can do basic computations. Repeat. Genetically modified bacteria have become the first living computer. It flips pancakes. What’s the score, here? Some busy waiter complains about pancakes and the result is a poo-bacteria run living computer!? You people are crazy.

Next up:

Your basic anti-foot fungus medication could one day clear the oceans of ‘red tide’, a toxic algae epidemic. Japanese researchers have created a little prototype craft to go spraying about in the worst concentrations of algae for immediate ‘relief’. It had better be in the shape of a spray can.

Also:

These two amused me, only because I saw them pop up one after the other on BT. “Britain approves animal-human embryo creation for use in stem cell research.” “South Korea bans animal-human embryo creation for use in stem cell research.”

Lastly:

Global warming is not responsible for increased hurricane activity. Now, this one isn’t that exciting on the surface, but, I wonder how many of you remember that we’re still in an ice age? An ice age that is coming to its final denouement? This technically means that ‘global warming’ started around 18,000 years ago. Of course we’re contributing to it. But yelling that every little weather change is due to our gas-guzzling, greenhouse- gas- addled evil antics is like blaming all stupidity on George Bush Jr.(I wanted to make some kind of windbag joke there, as it would encompass the hurricane and use of ‘gas’ twice in one sentence, but I’m not that witty); it’s just not that easily explained.

I am still waiting impatiently at the flying car stop, checking my watch. Where is the Fifth Element future with elastic-wearing Milla Jovovich’s I ordered, eh? I should get a store credit or a gift certificate or something for this crummy century. And now, I think I’ll make some pancakes.

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